Forgiven – a letter to the Ex

Dear Ex,

I hope you’re doing well. I know you’re doing well because I can see how happy you are in your new life and I am truly happy that you’ve found someone new.

Seriously, I am.

Does it hurt anymore? It did for some time, but now, no more. Now, I no longer even ask myself the dreaded question – why?

I don’t because I know. Of course, there are moments when I lose my mind. Dive into my past and get furious at you for hurting me the way you did. I held on to the grudge for a long time and whined at your heartless act but as time passed, I became smarter. Holding on to the grudge only made me sad and I realized that my sadness didn’t even reach you because you never looked back.

So, I revoked the right you had on me.

You hurt me. You hurt me bad. Then again, when I look back, I realised that over the years, I have let you hurt me. I was blind. I was possessed. I did everything I could but you weren’t happy. I gave you all the attention but you weren’t happy. I even tried to hold on but you wanted to leave. When I asked you to stay, you threw your tantrums but I stayed quiet because as I said, I was blind. All those years, you were the assassin and I handed you the dagger.

Then, you left.

Of course, I couldn’t stop you because I didn’t have the means. The day you walked out on me, I was broken. I was stranded thunderstruck as I saw you turn your back on me. I wanted to stop you, ask you to reconsider but deep down, I knew we were past that point and you had no other choice.

Neither did I.

So, I forgave you. Forgiving you and moving on was the only sensible way because I realized that if I didn’t, I might not ever let anybody else in – someone, who might understand me a touch better than you did and consider me a little more valuable. Someone who will not make me feel so insignificant.

And I didn’t want to miss out on that because allowing you to keep a hold on my psyche would have only blinded me and I would have missed the signs when someone special came along.

Last year, our paths crossed again. You said you weren’t happy anymore. To be honest, I was stoked. I really wanted to see you, meet you again – the possibility of being with you fired up my imagination and sent my adrenaline into an overdrive.

After the initial euphoria, I suddenly realized that I already have ‘the special one’ in my life and choosing you now would be an act of disloyalty. I just couldn’t be cruel to someone who trusted me more than you did.

This time, it was me, not you.

You also chose well. In fact, you chose wisely – a more pragmatic choice than last time and although I don’t appreciate your choice, I do understand the reasons behind it. I am happy for you and in the end, ‘us’ was a lesson well learned even though it hurt a bit.

We made mistakes. You did. I did. We learned from them and moved on. All I remember now are the good times we spent together because those memories easily outweigh the not-so-good ones. And forgiving you have lessened the pain because as you know, mercy is twice blessed!

This Sunday, you visit my place and we meet after a long time. You have changed a bit but you still have your charm. Don’t worry there would be no bad blood or awkwardness, anymore.

Hey, I want you to meet someone – my ‘special one’. When we meet, I would greet you with a smile and say – Cesc, meet Mesut and yes, welcome to the Emirates…Again!

oz-fab1
Battle between Oz and Fab: Torn Gooner Hearts!

Take care and play well.

From,

Once a fan, always a fan.

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